That's Life.

Is anything more satisfying than having a day off work and actually spending it relaxing?

Today I have done exactly this, not rostered for work, not needed to drive my daughters to any one of a million different destinations that they might possibly need me to get them to, and not required to top up any food items, make a trip to pay bills, no general household tasks at all.

Of course, the house is looking very chaotic because I have purposely ignored it all day, but that is a small price to pay to completely chill out.  Just quietly though, the mess is taunting my sub-conscious and I know I will spring into action fairly soon and deal with it, but I still had my relax time which I am really pleased about.

I've been pondering this need for timeout recently as I only work part-time and you would think that my life is quite chilled already.  What I've figured out is kinda interesting though.  The hours I spend at work every day are mentally and physically the most relaxed of my day.  The work is often repetitive, the same questions are always asked of us and the only point of difference on any given day is to try to outbeat your best customer service with assistance even better than the day before.

It's what I do after work that runs me ragged and leaves me with headaches, short temper and just plain tired.

But I'm not complaining, just very grateful for the day off today.

I love that my kids both learn Taekwondo and that one also learns piano and that I have started taking piano lessons myself, and that both kids have just tried out for the first ever school Quidditch team.  I enjoy walking the dog and seeing his happy face when I sneak him down for a swim in the sea despite the local archaic no dogs on beach hours.  I like picking my husband up from the ferry and catching a quiet 10 minutes with him before the daughters swallow up his time every evening, I like spending time preparing a good dinner for the three of them, especially when I see their faces and hear their enjoyment.  In between that on any given day there will be washing, folding, dishes, vacuuming, bills, emails, general tidying, usually driving kids to play at other kids houses then picking them up again, at least an hour each day of homework help, and often baking.  I get up about 7am and usually finish the day with reading myself to sleep.  I do fill the hours.

The headaches are directly related to my back and neck and after a period of positive reactions to my chiropractic sessions, I'm finding that it's not helping anymore.  His suggestions now are try some yoga and go for more walks.  Well if that's all I need to do to get rid of the back pain, why do I continue to keep my appointments at his clinic?   I am starting to wonder and wish that my first chiropractor had never moved to Brisbane as she was really good and got results.

The headaches usually begin during the day and will still be there when I wake the next morning.  Painkillers slightly dull the pain, muscle painkillers aren't much better.  I really do need to try more options here but I'm not sure what.

Short temper I think is a mixture of the headaches and backpain and the busyness of the afternoons and the never-ending work roster which admittedly I put myself on.  I took no time off over December or January and have only taken 4 days off in February to visit Christchurch and celebrate my 13th wedding anniversary.  I get the odd days off at the moment to fit in with my changing roster this month but I'm still working the same amount of hours overall each week.  I'm wondering if agreeing to work saturdays was so very clever afterall.

The other stress is my other indulgence which I am slowly being kept out of.  I play piano and enjoy a book club meeting once a month but this latter one is becoming harder to keep.  They are usually at night, on a school night and I had no sitter for the last one and have no sitter for the next one either.  I really don't want to give them up and I'm beginning to think that my best option would be to pay a local high school kid to watch my daughters.

I lie.  I have a third indulgence which I have purposefully kept myself away from for a few months as I know I don't have the time or presence of mind at the moment to concentrate on producing a piece of art I would be happy with.  This also has become a nagging itch on my sub-conscious and I know from past times that this is a good sign which precedes a period of huge creativity for me.  I'm looking forward to that.

I also worry about my husband a lot.

He is good at what he does and successful at what he does but is also overworked, not fairly compensated (in my opinion) for the hours he puts in, and seriously stressed out.  I spoke to him on the phone last night (he is overseas again) and I've never heard him quite that wound up before, possibly ever.

He chastises me for bottling my emotions up but he does the exact same thing when it comes down to the pressures of his job.  I am really quite concerned and can do fuck all from this side of the world which is hugely frustrating.

Honey, I love you.